In the Long Run

That initial ban started a trend that expanded to include not only the pre-vacation restriction, but also no chocolate for a month before running a marathon. Then, somehow, for me, at least, the injunction grew into “no chocolate” at all—ever. Not even a chocolate chip when making cookies.

I suppose it was a control issue. Sometimes I lacked self-control when it came to eating chocolate, so it seemed easier to never eat it than it was to limit myself to reasonable amounts. I went several months without ingesting even a solitary cocoa puff or sip of hot chocolate. What freedom I felt—I was no longer a slave to the cocoa bean!

Yet, I didn’t really want to give it up entirely forever. So I began allowing myself to eat chocolate during the Christmas holidays. A couple of weeks during the year should be OK, right? Then it only seemed logical that my birthday should be a “chocolate permissable” day. And certainly Valentine’s Day should not be excluded.

When disbelieving friends and acquaintances asked incredulously, “You don’t eat chocolate?”, I had to be truthful and qualify my response. “No. Well…except at Christmas….and on vacations. Oh, and on my birthday, and…yeah, well…of course on Valentines’ Day too”, and soon the lengthy accumulation of caveats sounded a bit silly to me. My husband constantly quipped, “No, she doesn’t eat chocolate…except on days of the week that end in the letter “Y.”” Obviously he did not appreciate or respect the sacrifice and discipline involved in restraining myself on the non-chocolate days.

It is akin to the sacrifice and discipline I muster to train for, and run a marathon. Undeniably, such sacrifice deserves a reward, so I began celebrating each marathon completion with peanut M&M’s. An ENTIRE BAG of peanut M&M’s. A 16, and sometimes 24 oz. bag of peanut M&M’s.

This year on Mother’s Day, while eating the chocolate truffles my son gave me (yes, Mother’s Day is now approved for chocolate), I noticed a line of script on the bag. “Do you dream in chocolate?” Well, I wasn’t sure if I dreamed in chocolate, but maybe I dreamed OF chocolate. Of eating it.

Perhaps that dreaming is what has caused me to cross over to the dark (and I do prefer dark chocolate) side lately. I confess--I have eaten chocolate on non-choc days. After the final class of the session at work last week, a class member offered me a tempting goo-goo cluster. Formerly I would have said, “No, I don’t eat chocolate. Well…except at Christmas….and on vacations. Oh, and on my birthday, and…yeah, well…of course on Valentines’ Day too…and Mother’s Day, and after every marathon….” That sounds ridiculous. I DO eat chocolate. So I accepted the chocolate and ate it. And a couple of days ago, I had a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Just because.

Have I become weak-willed, rationalizing choices that will lead me to compulsive chocolate-eating that approaches addiction? Has my recent dipping my toe in chocolate convinced me to plunge in and totally submerge myself? I don’t want to end up a chocoholic who, like a television character I once saw, mainlines chocolate syrup down her throat with a turkey baster.

I don't think that will happen. I feel I'm aligning my true choco-osophy with my actual behavior. Exercising my freedom to choose is exhilarating. I don’t have to eat it, and I don’t need to eat it, but I will choose to eat it…occasionally. I will still limit the amount I eat, but it won't be as artificially proscribed.

So pass me the peanut M&M's. Even if I haven't just completed a marathon, or a long run, any day that ends in a "Y" is acceptable for eating a little chocolate.

Posted by Cyppy at 7:50 PM